REALITY

WARNING: this is a long blog post! You may want to grab a cup of tea if you want to proceed...!!

In England last year, my friend's young son asked me, "What is it like, living in South Sudan?"

I found myself floundering.  It is such a broad question- how could I answer in one sentence? I remember that I gave a vague reply about it being hot and busy with home-schooling. I told him that Andrew was busy helping people in his MAF work, taking people and supplies where they are needed.

I have since had more time to reflect on that question. The reality of living here brings blessings- and challenges. Recently, the challenges have loomed larger. At such times, it is a reminder to count the things which work well.

So here is a reflection on that question: what is life like here for me and my family? The good, the bad and the ugly. My reality.

To start with, the blessings...

• MAF have worked hard to provide us with pleasant homes, on a secure compound. We enjoy our home, the air-conditioners, the fact that we have (mostly) reliable power in the daytime, on a fixed timetable from our generator. At night, the MAF generator is off, but we have batteries in our homes to provide low-level power for fans and lights to work.

Our Juba home:

In our houses, we are privileged to have bore-hole water in our taps, to use for washing and that we do not have to go far to fetch our drinking water. This is held in a huge water-drum on the compound. Andrew fetches it in 20-litre jerrycans daily. Our filter, in the kitchen, helps to flush out germs and disease- we are conscious that this is a blessing, when locals do not always have access to clean water.

• We enjoy the benefits of being on a compound. Guards at the gate, walls to protect us and friends around us. There is a communal playground and small swimming pool which our children love. The children have great freedom to play outdoors, since the compound is closed off and guarded, so they can come and go as they please. Our children can usually find someone to play with. They run outside and I don't worry- there are no busy roads on the compound, their play space has good boundaries and we know the people who live here. 

There's always a friend around somewhere on a compound! Here's a view from our hallway, of a happy conversation happening outside on our front doorstep:

• Our compound location is central in Juba city, so we can walk to local shops or to hotels for swimming. There are cafes and restaurants nearby. As Juba develops, so does the choice of places to eat out or even to swim. Joel's small school is also on the same plot of land as our compound, so I can walk him to class while Esther and Ben remain working in their schoolroom. 

• Living in a small community of people who share our faith and act with kindness and grace is such an encouragement. That is the plus side of being in a Christian community. We can learn so much from each other. This week, I have struggled when our children have upset neighbours- not out of malice, but nevertheless, it was embarrassing when my boys destroyed someone's beautiful tree by climbing on it! Instead of anger, our neighbour responded with grace. Not only that, when she saw that I had had a rough week, this kind neighbour popped by the schoolroom when I was working there alone, bringing a tray with a flask of tea and a bar of chocolate and staying for a much appreciated tea-break. Do you know how much that cheered me up? It is lovely to have such kind people in our lives here.

• Our schoolroom is a MASSIVE benefit, providing us with a place to go to school. Although I wouldn't have said so a year ago, this year I am enjoying homeschooling! I am better able to see the privilege of working alongside my children. I enjoy their progress and getting to know them even better.

• Last, but by no means least, it is an amazing privilege to be part of the work here. Andrew enjoys his flying and the people he meets. It is inspiring to hear the stories and see the photos of how MAF flights make a difference to the people of South Sudan.

  Andrew on a recent medical evacuation:

So what is the bad and ugly side? What is it that has made these last few weeks in Juba a huge challenge? Why have I been strongly tempted to want to get away from this place? That has been my recent reality. Here are some of the very real pressures of Juba:

• Volatile politics! Daily we receive "sitreps" (situation reports) with information of tensions, shootings, crime and possible political instability. Sometimes these advise us to stay inside our compounds, "just in case". This means cancelled swimming outings, postponed shopping trips. In itself, this is not a problem, but I feel the strain of being alert to possible trouble- especially as a Mum concerned for her children's safety. A few weeks ago, we were once again on alert for possible political discord. When I was woken that week, in the wee, small hours, by shooting, my instant reaction was that maybe war was breaking out again. It wasn't! Thankfully. But the tension adds up... and I get tired. 

• The high crime rate. Just over two weeks ago, our neighbour was murdered by another round of shots (a different incident from the shooting listed above). At 2:40am, just a few metres from the MAF gate, our young Ethiopian neighbour, Stephen, was shot dead as his shop was robbed. I know I mentioned this in an earlier blog post, but it shook me deeply. For the first time, someone I know had been shot dead. And only a few steps from our home. It caused me to question deeply- how safe are we? How safe are my children? When God promises to protect us, can I hold on to that promise or in my weakness, will I find it too hard to stay here?

• The physical environment, which I have no control over. It might be the sadness of seeing stark poverty. The extreme heat. Sickness. Overwork. These can make Juba a pressured environment at different times. However, for me this month, it has been the noise from the new 24-hour generator installed by neighbours outside our MAF walls. The noise has literally been driving me insane! I spend so much time on the compound and now my home and schoolroom are flooded with noise I hate. And there is nothing I can do about it- except pray! Sleepless nights disturbed by the noise have made me tearful and irritable. Thankfully, good friends have been faithful in prayer and I am finding it easier to cope. We have also rearranged our bedroom and transformed it into a sort of "bunker" to try and block out the horrible mechanical noise! Wardrobes and a mattress now block the windows... and we run a fan all night to try to cover the external noise with "white noise".

Our new bedroom "sanity-saving arrangement", with windows blocked to reduce noise, meaning natural light is now limited!

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 These changes are working. The rumble is still audible in our room at night, but much quieter. The rest of the house is still affected...but if I have to live with it for now, I am gradually finding ways to manage... and of course, ear-plugs are a GIFT!! 

Here is the source of the noise! This view is from our wall, next to our schoolroom. The troublesome generator is situated just beyond the brown gate you can see in the wall of the new block of flats. If it is noisy for me, I can only imagine how loud it must be for the people living in the small wooden houses you can see right next to their wall:

• Living on a compound has its ugly side, as well as the positives mentioned above. I feel that the benefits of compound living definitely outweigh the troubles...but sometimes the troubles explode. We all live together here, work together, go to church together, share our social lives. It can feel claustrophobic. It is not a "normal" living environment! Just because we all live together and work for MAF does not mean we can automatically relate easily to each other. Of course, we all try. We have to, to live peacefully and kindly!                                                                                     But we are all human. We all have limits to the pressure we can bear. Sometimes there are misunderstandings- we can lose our temper. I did so this week. An unchecked few minutes of spouting all my frustration and annoyance about an ongoing tension resulted in an upsetting conflict situation. I hate conflict. But I just landed headfirst in the middle of one! It is a huge stress factor for me. I like to resolve conflict as soon as I can, but it is not always possible to sort things out straight away. I could pretend on this blog that we are all lovely mission workers living out Christian principles of love and kindness daily- but we are not! Especially me. I can lose my fuse and blow up under pressure. We need God's help to live well with each other day by day! That is the reality. That is why we need forgiveness and grace to live in a small community. Close quarters can bring strain and stress! BUT if we let it, it can also allow us to grow into kinder, more understanding people. We may inevitably hurt others and be hurt- but we can grow in our faith as we seek God's help to to forgive. I believe this can help change us for the better...but let's be realistic: it is not easy and it is not always comfortable to live in a small, multi-cultural, compound community!

• Constantly shifting friends and neighbours! I have blogged on this before. Suffice to say that losing friends, grieving their loss and then adapting to completely new team-mates can require an energy that is not so easy to summon after 8 years of doing this over and over... 

So there it is. My reality. My life in Juba. I am grateful for the good points...and often they are at the forefront. Yet during these last few weeks, the harder points have given rise to stress. I have had to ask for help from family and friends in England to pray for us; to steady me in my weakness. I have struggled with the uncertainty, the fear, the noise and now the added sadness of misunderstandings. Thank you to all who pray for us. You help to keep us all here- and in so doing, you help to keep a MAF pilot here... and therefore help to keep MAF planes in the air! 

These last few weeks have caused me to question why we are here. I have been challenged to think hard abut why we came and why we should stay. Yesterday, I listened to a song which had encouraged me to come to Juba in the first place. It reminded me why. I don't need to say any more- it's all in this song: (click on the link below to listen + watch)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbyHtq-2sGU