Post Evacuation: Facts and Feelings

The Facts

When we arrived in northern Kenya last Saturday it was too late in the day to continue down to Nairobi. Instead, we stayed overnight in a Kenyan guest house, where dinner, bed and breakfast were most welcome for us harried evacuees.

Our sleeping quarters were round, stone, thatched huts ("banda") each equipped with a small double bed. Esther and I were accommodated in one. Andrew and the boys shared another.

The girl's banda:

Esther and I organised the bed for sleeping in a "top and tail" arrangement. We were exhausted, yet it was difficult to sleep- particularly as Esther pulled back her sheet to discover a dirty toe-nail from some unknown stranger, nestled into the sheets on her side of the bed!! Disgusted and appalled, my 10 year daughter refused to place herself anywhere near any part of the bed where the offending item had made contact with the sheets!
The fuss created from this tiny item took over any notion of sleep; it was almost 11pm before either of us was able to relax and settle down to sleep!
In a way, the toe-nail was a healthy distraction from other, more frightening thoughts which we did not allow at that point. Even so, it was a fitful night for me, as worries and confusion simmered in the background, disturbing my troubled mind.

Finally, the new morning dawned, heralded by the chatter of monkeys in the trees outside. A pleasant change from generator noise! We threw back the mosquito net and prepared to zip up our case, ready to go to breakfast and then continue our evacuation to Nairobi.

At breakfast, Andrew was already in work mode, mentally preparing for the next leg of our flight. He was tired. It had been difficult to sleep in a bed he had to share with both Ben and Joel! The pillow he shared with Joel had been especially uncomfortable.

Lokichoggio airport was sleepy and quiet on this Sunday morning. As we waited in the semi-outdoor passenger area for our plane to be ready, we heard some shocking news. Fighting had resumed in Juba this morning. but now of an even higher intensity.
I managed to contact and speak to an English friend in Juba. She was looking for a way out for her and her family. She was disturbed and upset, As we spoke, she described the awful noise of guns and artillery that she could hear from her home.
But now there was no way out. Juba airport was not open for flights. In addition, roads across town had become extremely dangerous, with aggressive checkpoints springing up. Even if the airport was open for flights, it was becoming impossible to cross town. We heard even worse news, learning that friends we had left in Juba had been exposed to some extremely violent and frightening scenarios.
I felt sick and my body was covered with goosebumps. It was simply awful to know friends were still in such danger.
It was also overwhelming to me that my children could have been exposed to these dangers, to more terrifying sounds of fighting, if we had not got out when we did. I believe that, by God's grace, we got out just in time.

At this point, it was still vital that I did not to cave in to my emotions, in order to protect the children. Esther, Ben and Joel darted around the almost-empty waiting area. They amused themselves by finding creepy crawlies, emptying their water bottles and filling them with leaves and spiky caterpillar friends! It was good to see them engaged in play and not worried. Ben had a plastic scorpion and snake, who had travelled from Juba with us in Ben's trouser pocket. Ben had a fun half hour scaring the good-natured ground staff at the airport, who obliged him with dramatic shrieks and jumps as Ben placed his scary creatures on luggage trolleys and pathways!

Eventually, we boarded and for the first time ever, did a Sunday flight on a MAF aeroplane! It is most unusual for MAF to fly on Sundays...
We flew out with another family who had been visiting South Sudan and were now on their way home to South Africa. The plane was full as it soared above the hills of Lokichoggio and winged its way to Nairobi.

On Sunday afternoon, we arrived at the MAF compound and were taken to a friend's house. Our friends are currently away in the UK, but had kindly opened their home for us. We were warmly welcomed by concerned MAF team members. Already, kind colleagues had made up the beds, laid out clean towels and had prepared a "welcome basket" of  essential food items, fruit, chocolate and of course, a box of tea! Their concern touched us deeply. As a MAF Kenya friend welcomed me with a hug and a cup of tea, I allowed a few tears for the first time, but quickly checked them. But I could not check the shaking. Shock was beginning to set in- and the news coming out of Juba was getting worse and worse.

This week has been extremely upsetting. News from Juba got more and more frightening up until Tuesday. From then on, Monday night's ceasefire seems to have held. It was a HUGE relief to us as more and more friends were able to evacuate through the week. Some are still there, but the majority have managed to get away from the insecurity and the danger that comes with that.

Throughout the stress and upset, we have also known many blessings, for which I am very grateful. The house we are staying in is comfortable and quiet, with a beautiful garden:

Best of all, our friend's home comes with a house-lady, who is happy to help us for 4 days a week- the gracious and kind Sarah:

Honestly, I can't even tell you what a huge help that is. We came out of our Juba home with just a small pile of clothes between us, so it is a MASSIVE blessing to have someone who is willing to wash, dry and iron those clothes day after day, so that we always have enough to wear.
I have since managed to add to the children's clothing. On Friday, a friend and I visited Nairobi's huge Second Hand Clothes Market and found some great bargains to kit our children out for a little while longer.

We also have many of our friends from South Sudan now staying in Nairobi after evacuating. Many of our MAF Juba team are even staying on the same compound. In this way, we have friends and support in Nairobi, including our Nairobi friends from our 6 months here in 2014. This week, I have also been able to have lunch and catch up with special friends from Tanzania who I have not seen for over 2 years, so it has been wonderful to be with supportive friends this week.

Now uncertainty settles in... but no questions can be answered yet as to what happens to us next. So we must live each day at a time, keeping an eye on the news and contact with our now-scattered Juba friends...

The Feelings

"Conflicting" is probably the best word to describe my feelings about being evacuated from South Sudan.

On the one hand, there is the over-riding sense of RELIEF that we got the children out just in time, before things became really frightening in Juba. Reports from events on Sunday and Monday were shocking. This was disconcerting to say the least. It seems that God opened a small window of opportunity on Saturday for us to escape the worst of the fighting. After Saturday afternoon, no evacuations would have been possible until Tuesday afternoon.
Over the week, this sense of relief has been heightened each time that another group of friends or colleagues have been able to get out of Juba.

There is enormous GRATITUDE for our current safety and the lovely home we can stay in. For friends here and for messages of support, love and concern from friends and family far away.

There is also the SHOCK of what happened and how close we came to danger with our three young children. In my nightmares from Sunday, my mind has been replaying events but twisting them and revealing my fears: horrible dreams where I can't protect Esther from a threatening group of soldiers, coming ever closer with evil intentions- until I wake and breathe a sigh of relief that we are in Nairobi, not Juba.
Another dream where I can only find 2 of my children and am desperately trying to find the other, clinging to our passports and driving through streets filled with frightened streams of refugees, scanning the faces and trying to find Joel so that I can get him out of Juba along with the rest of us.
I woke up with a jolt and gulped in the Nairobi air, It's OK- we are all here. All 5 of us are safe.
For the first 3 days, I felt like I was shaking constantly. It was hard to eat anything. Sleep was elusive and by evening, my head was pounding.

Then there is the SORROW for those we care about who have to remain in Juba, but would prefer to feel safer elsewhere. Our hearts go out to them and our prayers are with them. Thankfully, it does seem calmer now- the crisis seems to have passed. However, it is still tense and volatile. If you pray, keep praying for their protection and for peace. Also, for them to have access to food, water and charcoal for cooking at a time when the city is still in turmoil. I have manged to phone our house-lady Grace twice. She and her family took shelter in a UN camp but have now returned home, but ar in dire need of food and clean water.

A further emotion is GRIEF. Grief for the way our friends have suddenly been dispersed. Some to Kenya, Others to Uganda. Others elsewhere- we are not even sure where. The community of people we know and of our church has been torn apart suddenly- and we are not sure whether it will ever be the same again. Some I have not heard from yet and we are concerned for them. It is frustrating that we have all been forced into different places and countries over just a few days.
There is also grief for the loss of our plans. Over the coming week we had plans:
meals with friends
a kid's party
a picnic trip with Dutch friends on a local ferry across to a small island on the River Nile
a sleepover for Esther with a friend.
Plans for finishing off our academic year at home-school and for a family party and certificates ceremony to celebrate the occasion.
Plans to welcome new team members to MAF Juba- friends who had been with us in Tanzania.
Now all of these are thrown up in the air. At night, our children cry for their home and want to sleep in their own beds and play with their Juba friends.
Thankfully, they have not yet missed their toys or books. That will come later.

Finally, there is the UNCERTAINTY. It is impossible to predict what will be next. We are fortunate because we already have plans to visit the UK this summer, so we have accommodation arranged in England from the end of next week until September.

But after September, if the situation is still volatile in Juba (which is highly likely), we have no home. As we look ahead, we have to face serious questions about our future. This is extremely unsettling. When the children ask us, "When are we going home?" we just don't know how to respond.
Unsettled times indeed- and yet thankfully, it is uncertainty which we experience from a place of safety. And for that, I am very thankful.